Ok, so last week I wrote a piece about using triggers to get to know yourself better.  As luck would have it, I got triggered today.  So I thought I would check in and see if I followed my own advice.

Here is a basic run though of what when down for me:

  • I'm getting triggered about a client. Something doesn't feel right with the project and I'm starting to feel stressed.
  • My ego is looking for problems and when I try to speak to Chris about it, I flare up.
  • Physically, I'm feeling the stress and my thinking is starting to go into circular logic.(I tend to repeat myself as if my brain is trying to find itself out of a maze. I prefer to operate from a higher perspective, like I'm look over a maze, not running around trying to guess where I should go).
  • Chris is brilliant at withdrawing from the conversation when I get triggered. I can become quite obtuse when I get triggered, and after years of me wanting him to "help me". I know it's my job to clean up my energy because I tend to drag all sorts of nonsense into my energy field... ( aka, pick fights with him over stupid shit)
  • The best thing for me to do is to isolate myself and take as much time as I need to center myself. When I'm triggered, it's really hard for me to find the problem because my brain just wants to feed the feeling and make that energy larger. Today it was 15 minutes of hanging out on my bed, with no phone, and nice music playing.
  • I try distracting myself by reading "Ask and It Is Given" and focusing on natural, easy breaths. I can feel that I'm leaking energy and giving it away, which is not good for me as an empath. I do much better when my solar plexus is firing bright and whirling inside of me, not spewing out looking for something to grab onto to stabilise my reality.
  • Once I have calmed my nervous system, and I'm feeling centered; I'm realizing that my client might be on the brink of a massive self-sabotage episode. He's becoming reckless and using other people to make calls instead of trusting his own judgment.
  • My natural instinct is to want to save him from doing this, but I'm not sure if that's perpetuating a savior complex or co-creating the situation based on my programming. Or if Im just scared it will somehow affect my income, or I won't get to be proud that I was part of a really cool idea that manifests into reality.
  • As I try to identifying the root cause ( or what I think is a cause) I become aware of how passionate I feel about this project, understanding that me being triggered is somewhere on the emotional scale ( fear) and that I want to reframe to where I can "face the sun" and place my attention on the parts that energize and excite me.
  •  I also note, I have massive cravings for sugar and instagram. I shouldn't use sugar or social media to avoid looking at what the trigger is teaching me, as I'll get distracted. And to be fair, this is about me, not my client. What do I need to find out about myself? Where do I want to improve?
  • I meditate, doing a super quick alignment visualisation.
  • After meditating, I feel like I can let go of the situation that was mostly created in my head. I know I'm not here to save my client if he's bent on blowing his project up.
  • I can clearly state my concerns without projecting the idea of self-sabotage into his realm, because I have great communication skills.
  • I'll focus on what I can control and understand that I can't place expectations on anyone.

So I'm happy to say I do follow my own advice.  Phew!  The other article, is probably trying to cover off too much, for a lot of general situations. Today was great for me, because it made me realize, how seldom I get knocked out of my vortex. I also probably am taking myself a little too seriously and my role in this clients life. If I think I can save someone, I am kidding myself.

It was humbling to get a bit of perspective. As far as a mirror, I don't think I'm spiraling into a full blown self sabotage event. But it did remind me that I can see the warning signs, after years of doing it to myself. And that my fear was because I remember the pain of having fucking brilliant ideas, going for it, but not being able to hold the vibration so it manifested, and the crash of it 'not working out' I was so scared of success, not failure. And a good reminder to enjoy the journey and not be held to a fixed outcome.

Big ideas often come with big dreams, and those big dreams can become too heavy to hold, if we try and force an outcome based on our expectations. It was a good reminder to soften into this experience, and instead of fear that he might spiral big time, enjoy someone learning how to hold the vibration of manifesting on such a grand scale.


Check out Steves meditation.

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